Life At Sea
by muaaimoi
Summary: The Pirate Queen stands before him, as beautiful as she is deadly, "Aren't you Navy boys supposed to bow to royalty?" Sheldon glares at her, he is nowhere near foolish enough to underestimate such a woman. He's just watched her behead at least three men after all. Shenny at sea, for the Talk like a Pirate Fall challenge.
1. Chapter 1

_**1) Beginnings**_

At first, Penny had been a bar wench. It's something that would surprise the fleet of pirate ships she leads as the Pirate Queen. Penny doesn't blame them. It's hard for her to remember that she used to be one of the pretty girls taken in by a pirate's charm, too.

It hadn't been the most glamorous occupation. It had kept a roof over her head, food in her stomach, and plenty of beer in her gut though. As the pretties wench in the tavern, she'd also had her choice of whatever strapping young lads had arrived to port.

It was a good life, not in the married with kids way her parents had wanted for her, but it was a life Penny had chosen for herself. Which made it much better than the engagement to a farm hand her parents originally had in mind. As it was, it was something of a small miracle Penny had hadn't been in the marrying kind of trouble before her sixteenth birthday.

Running away hadn't been hard. Her taste for ale and good old fashioned fun between a man and a woman had made her perfect for her job. Unlike the women who didn't bother with tending the bar, she never sold herself, though she'd been offered the occasional nice bit of gold.

As far as Penny was concerned, being able to choose who she slept with, and refuse anyone who was rich, if anything but attractive, was much more important than the pretty garments whores so liked to clothe themselves with and gold. Tending the bar was good enough for her, even if she had gotten used to missing more meals than she ever had in her parents farm.

Of course all that changed when she met Kurt.

Kurt the Pirate King.

He had bade her to follow him to sea, sweet talked, and romanced her with tales of his battles, and the luxury of living on a ship. Living a life of danger and adventure at the whims of the waves. Being the young stupid thing she had been, Penny had gone.

Well, she had just been younger really. Penny didn't feel she'd become much smarter or any wiser since then. It's barely been four months, if that, since they met. So it had to be even less than _that_ since she had become the Pirate Queen.

She supposes in her sadder moods that it had always only been a matter of time before whatever magic had convinced her to follow a guy she'd just met out to sea would fade.

Especially considering that the reason Penny had gone from Consort to Pirate Queen had been because of her reaction to the presence of the other girl Kurt had brought onto the ship. Another consort, as was his right as Pirate King, he'd claimed. Penny is no one's other woman, thank you very much.

The sheer savage brutality with which Penny beat Kurt to death with a broken table leg earned her the entire crews fear and obedience. The poor girl he'd brought onto the ship with him had jumped overboard out of fear she'd be next. Not that she would have been. Penny could be reasonable, really. It just isn't very apparent when she's busy being angry and heart broken.

Kurt's blood hadn't even finished drying on her hands before the roar of, "All hail Penny the Pirate Queen!" rung out.

They barely finished dumping the former Pirate King's body overboard before the Navy shows up and attacks. It's been a few hours after her unforeseen coronation by then, of course, but it certainly hadn't felt like it.

"Man the cannons," Penny roared then, taking charge, "Arm yourselves! Don't let them catch you off guard!"

The crew rushes to work, drawing their weapons. Penny welcomes the outlet to work out her frustration and bewilderment on the enemy and grabs Kurt's fancy sword. Apparently being the first to board the ship and the last to leave elevates her standing even further in the eyes of her crew. Adding respect to their awe and fear.

There is a lot of fear.

 **xXx**

Sheldon tries not to rue his station in life very often. There is no benefit to being bitter that he is low born and that his parents had no resources with which to educate him. Like his father, he makes it to a dock once he's old enough and he finds work as a ship hand.

He hates life at sea most days, for all that he has nothing against sailing, or the ocean. He's a great navigator actually. Which is very convenient because typically his reputation precedes him and there is always a captain willing to take him on whenever another has enough of his 'fussing' and boots him from the crew.

He'd probably manage to find a crew he could stick with if he'd just learn to keep his comments about efficiency to himself, but he genuinely can't seem to help himself in the face of such blatant incompetence. The crew's ability varies depending on the captain, but even the good ones don't seem to be willing to improve their current systems.

He never even officially joins the navy, just because he can't seem to keep to one ship, so he has nothing to fall back on should his reputation fail him. It's with that in mind that he sets out to contacting merchant ships and offering his services exclusively as a navigator. Glad that he has figured out reading and writing through observation, though parchment and ink remain an expense his gold pouch is keenly aware of.

His efforts bear fruit soon enough. The pay is better, he doesn't feel the responsibility to attempt to improve the ship's efficiency once he isn't an official part of anyone's crew, and his reputation as a navigator grows much better. Eventually he even manages some noble clientèle, which means he can afford a few books and is thus, more than worth his time, despite how unpleasant it is to be reminded of his lowborn status at every turn.

His latest client is a Noble named Leonard Hofstadter. It's a long contract that consists of sailing towards his intended's home, procuring the young woman, a Bernadette Rostenkowski, and sailing back towards his lands to hold their marriage. There seems to be some urgency behind the impending nuptials, thus the truly extravagant amount of gold they offer for his services. Sheldon can typically reduce the travel time by several weeks, if not a few months outright. A trick of reading the waves no one else seems to be capable of. He doesn't know why they just don't remember the weather conditions that matched the current ones and recall what type of weather follows, but he has long since given up on understanding his fellows.

The amount of gold they offer him means that Sheldon does his level best to be pleasant, but for him that typically means keeping his mouth shut and he has never been on a ship where his company is sought so often.

Leonard Hofstadter seems to be under the impression that he is something of a seaman and delights on speaking to him about ships at length. That had been very aggravating during the first part of the trip, but it had just been one person, so it was bearable. Once his intended and her staff was introduced to the ship, however, everything changed.

The captain, A Howard Wolowitz, apparently had fallen head over heels for the noblewoman at first sight and often sought him out to bemoan his station in life as a humble ship captain and not Bernadette's intended. One of the noblewoman's ladies in waiting, a woman named Amelia Fowler, seemed to hold some sort of fascination with navigation and often sought him out to speak about it.

To top it all off, the ship's cook, an Indian man named Rajesh Koothrappali, paid just as well as Sheldon by Leonard once he heard his intended was fond of Indian cuisine, shared his quarters and did nothing but complain about how no one aside from Bernadette appreciated his culinary art.

Its almost a relief really, when the Pirates attack.

 **xXx**

 **For the Talk like a Pirate fall challenge. I had most of this written out to begin with actually, Pirate queen Penny tempted my imagination years ago, so it was nice to be half way there to begin with. I'm almost done so I should have the rest of this up soon. Happy Halloween!**


	2. Chapter 2

**2) The Meeting**

Penny surveys the ship deck from her spot against the rail. She's taken to lounging on the main deck in order to keep her men in line. Being a Pirate Queen really isn't what it's cracked up to be. There's far too much down time in between finding ships to prey upon. Penny finds she misses the company of women. Not in the same way her crew does, to be sure, but there is something to be said for the company of the fairer sex. None of her crew seem to understand the value of the shoes Penny hoards in her cabin like the treasures they are.

Women usually avoid piracy. Not that it's unheard of, exactly. Just rare enough that most people dismiss the rumors as just that; rumors. Penny had been one of those people once upon a time, but now that the rumors are mostly about her, she likes to think she knows better.

Not that Penny had set out to be a Pirate, let alone a Pirate Queen. It was just very difficult to to be a female Pirate, and it turned out Penny excelled at both Naval Battles and violence, so the chips had fallen a certain way. Besides, Penny has no one to blame her current title on but herself. No one had forced her to set out to see with a pig of a Pirate king, after all.

Her pride hadn't let that scoundrel mistreat her, and it meant she sure as hell wasn't about to go back to being a consort. Her career options had been thin on the ground as a woman to begin with.

Now, well-there was something really depressing about the thought of going back to being a waitress at shore once she's commanded an entire ship, not to mention her current fleet of repurposed ships.

So she settles for lounging sensually on deck. While acting seductive usually attracted men, Penny realized early on that the same behavior coming from her scared the shit out of her crew. It's pretty funny, actually.

She shoot's one of the deckhands on board a flirty smile and the speed with which he swabs the deck triples.

No matter how she complains about it, Penny's enjoying the power.

"Captain!" Her first lieutenant cries, saddling up beside her. His name is Zack. He's a big guy, kind of slow, but rather handsome. Plus he's the only one in the entire crew who wasn't scared of her. Penny was pretty sure he just wasn't smart enough to be. But it did mean that he occasionally doubled as her consort.

"Yes, Zack," Penny purrs the words. Watching in amusement as the crew on deck shot Zack worried looks.

Zack doesn't even notice, "The spotter said he saw some ships coming up ahead. There's a really big one in the middle. It's pretty rich looking. We think they're traveling nobles."

Penny cocks her head coquettishly, fingering the handle of her sword, "Noble's?"

"Yes my Queen!" Zack affirms eagerly. The rest of the people on deck lean forward, interest piqued. Nobles were rich, Noble ships meant riches. And every pirate out at sea knew what that meant. The only thing that might have been better were Merchants. And even then, only if they specialized in trading rum.

Penny casts her voice out, "Everyone hear that? Treasure!"

"Treasure!" Her crew roars back. Within seconds the entire ship is a frenzy of activity.

While the freedom is very nice, and life at sea can be genuinely pleasant. Most pirates chose the profession for the loot. You didn't have to be born into money to have wealth if you were a pirate. Whatever riches you could take were yours.

It's Penny's favorite part of being a Pirate Queen. As the captain, she gets the biggest cut. The utter fear her crew feels for her ensures that they don't try to cheat her. But Penny always double checks anyway. Pirates cheat everyone, after all. Penny isn't an idiot.

"Man the cannons!" Penny shouts when the ship comes into view. She likes calling the shots. Kurt had refused to listen when she had pointed out that shooting cannons at point blank range often damaged things they could take as treasure.

The only reason Penny has a fleet as large as she does is that she doesn't damage the vessels she raids bad enough to have them sink. It's a nice side effect of her preoccupation with treasure, and a general desire not to see half of her hard earned loot at the bottom of the ocean. Larger crews did mean something of a drop in what she got per ship, but considering that more ships means it's much easier to subdue others with minimal damage and therefore, even more treasure, Penny isn't about to complain.

Of course damaging another ship badly was still a possibility from further away, that was just how the dice rolled sometimes. But starting early had the nice side benefit of throwing the other ships crew into a full blown panic. They had once boarded a ship only to find that over half the crew had hid, and quite a few had even launched themselves overboard. It had been the easiest raid ever. They'd even looted the captain's quarters linen. The man had Egyptian cotton silk sheets. Penny hadn't even known sheets could be that soft, and now she slept in them every night.

The sharp crack of the cannons firing jolted her from her musings. She grabbed the rope Zack handed her, tying it around her middle with the ease of long practice.

"Board!" Penny roared at the top of her lungs the moment they were within range of the other ship.

Her crew launched their ropes, beginning to swing down and board the other ship. After screaming another order for the defense to guard from their posts, and only from their posts, if they liked their necks attached to their bodies, Penny followed.

The Noble ship was putting up a remarkable fight. Admittedly, this was only Penny's third time actually raiding a Noble vessel, but usually, once the first wave of attackers subdued the guards, the rest of the crew cowered.

Not this time apparently, Penny noted, as what was clearly the ship cook attempted to put up a valiant fight. He failed, but mostly because he was attempting to use a pot. Penny shook her head in disapproval, idiot should have used a frying pan. They were much more maneuverable.

Penny drew her own sword. Jumping into the melee and enjoying the advantage of being a woman when more than one man paused in shock. It was all Penny needed, just that split second of hesitance. And then it was off with their heads. The scimitar she wields is impressive by anyone's standards. The foreign cut of the blade draws the eye, and the way it gleams with her opponents blood tells tale of her skill.

She had to give her crew reason to fear her after all. Many fell before this sword.

"Captain!" One of her crew shouted excitedly."Come quick!"

Penny frowned, she didn't like being ordered around. On the other hand, it was probably really important, if the guy had forgotten who he was talking to. She strode over. It was the captain's quarters. Or at least what were suppose to be the captain quarters. The pink and cream sheets, along with the portraits arranged artfully suggested it was something else.

xXx

Being at sea for the majority of his life means that this is hardly his first battle with Pirates, but one hardly needs his experience to see how unprepared this particular ship is for it.

Sheldon has heard rumors about the pirate queen however, and she has a reputation for violence that far exceeds that of her male counterparts. He is suddenly very glad that his mother never lets him leave port without sharpening his sword. He's going to need his skill with a blade to survive this. Sheldon is facing his door with his blade drawn, ready to defend himself en route to the lifeboats, they are only a few days off shore and he has kept an emergency bag stocked the entire trip. No nobles goals are worth his life as far as he is concerned.

That's when the captain bursts in, dragging the lovely noble woman he's in love with and her attendant.

"Sheldon!" Howard hisses, face pale, "you have to help us defend the ladies!"

"No." Sheldon replies, not even bothering to consider the good captains proposition and lunges past them, if they successfully fought their way to his quarters, then the path must be clearer than he anticipated.

"What do you mean no!" Howard howls, "You're a navy man! You're supposed to protect the blood of the king!"

"I've sworn no such oaths." Sheldon assures the captain as he casually fells a pirate the too narrow hallway places directly in his way. Most pirates have no form and Sheldon had observed a number of naval men with much better technique he later taught himself.

Regardless he is no navy man. While he had never officially joined the navy he had payed a quarter master well for a uniform. Half of his reputation as a navigator stemmed from working for the navy and the nobles liked to see those they payed in uniform. It's not a lie as they never ask him to confirm that he has served, he only wears the overcoat really. The sword he'd taken from the first pirate he killed.

"Surely you jest." Amy, as she has insisted repeatedly Sheldon call her, says desperately."Regardless of your oaths, surely you are a good christian man and will protect us?"

Sheldon is privately impressed that they are keeping up with his long purposeful stride. A feeling that only increases once he passes the dead body of his client, Leonard Hofstader.

"I don't believe in God." Sheldon admits to his heretic beliefs easily, he rather doubts he will be seeing any of them again. If they survive, they will no doubt spend the rest of their lives in noble homes and finery, the captain will be rewarded handsomely by the noble woman's family no doubt. It is always just another ship for Sheldon.

The gasps they emit are lost to him as they get closer to the deck and Sheldon realizes the pirates blade he's staring down belongs to a woman.

The Pirate Queen stands before him, as beautiful as she is deadly, "Aren't you Navy boys supposed to bow to royalty?"

Sheldon glares at her, he is nowhere near foolish enough to underestimate such a woman. No matter what manners he's picked up, he's fairly certain a Pirate Queen is no lady.

"Unless you can trace your lineage back to our King, you are not, in fact, royalty."

She laughs, Sheldon has a strange moment of realizing that the very sound is attractive, but he shoves the distracting thought away as he prepares to engage her. Though he must at least try to avoid it, "We won't try to stop your looting of this ship if you let us through. We just want to make it to the sailboats."

Her grin only grows as she takes in his entourage, and he silently curses himself for verbally tying them together, however he hopes the number of swords in her face would intimidate her.

The Pirate Queen attacks, clearly not worried by the swords in his and the captains hands. He understands her lack of fear once her strange sword cuts through the captains blade like a knife through butter. His own at least manages to keep its shape as he parries for his life.

She makes up for her lack of form with rabid enthusiasm, Sheldon has lived most of his life at sea and no one else has ever tried to behead him with such zest before. Fighting had come easily to him, he has long arms, which mean good reach and a thorough understanding of how his blade will interact with an opponents. All it takes to fell a man in a decisive blow, and Sheldon has killed many in defense of his life before. He doesn't think he's going to be able to kill the Pirate Queen.

She moves like water around his blows, her speed makes him hesitant to strike out offensively, he has to be ready to defend his life at any moment. He's at least sure he can do that. Keeping up his guard has always been where he truly excels when it comes to sword fighting. Quite simply, he wants to live. His brother had been the one to teach him, and Gig was almost as enthusiastic about swinging his sword as the woman before him. Almost, but not quite.

The Pirate queen laughs as she steps back wiping sweat from her brow. Something about the sight of her flushed and making that throaty sound is distracting in a way he can't quite understand. Sheldon scowls, chiding himself for even entertaining the thought of being distracted by the woman who was so eager to kill him.

Amy whimpers, "Please spare us! Take whatever you want, we just want to live.

"Oh don't worry, I plan on doing just that." The Pirate Queen promises with unholy glee in her eyes, "Still on the fence about letting you live, though this is the most fun I've ever had in a sword fight."

"Please stop!" The noble woman pipes up stepping forward despite the captains best efforts to shield her with his body."My name is Bernadette Rostenkowski. My family will pay you well if you ransom me, just please let my friends go."

Surprise steals across the Pirate Queens face for a moment, "Hostages...I've never tried that before."

"Hostages?" Sheldon inquires, narrowing his eyes. Something in the way she says it alarms him. The consideration in her gaze doesn't seem to stop at the Noble woman.

The Pirate Queen nods decisively, "My crew will have taken the whole ship by now, usually we round up survivors and make them walk the plank. However this noble woman assures me she's worth some treasure, and I had enough fun in our little battle to want a repeat performance Navy boy...Hmm you know what? If he survived, I think I'll keep the cook too."

 **Xxx**

 **Just peeped my howard speaks only in exclamation points, lol. One of my new year's resolutions was to get back into writing after being consumed by college. Still got a year left but hopefully my breaks are long enough to get back to most of my stories. Lets see how far I get!**


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